Rating: T - Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes.  I'm switching over to these Fiction Ratings.  Fiction Ratings.

AU: ATF/AU Thanks Mog for the ATF/AU! 

Disclaimer: The Magnificent Seven is owned by Trilogy, Mirish and MGM. No money is being made. This fanfic is purely for entertainment purposes.

Author's Notes: I wrote this story over the weekend. (It was therapy... I had a bad dream <shudder>).

Warning: Silly and/or Stupid story... LOL It's one of those that is borderline parody. But oh so much fun to write! ;)

 

Alligator

ATF

By: Ruby

Team Seven's bullpen area was relatively quiet as six out of the seven ATF agents were quietly at work.

JD sighed deeply.

“Why are you so tired, JD?” Buck asked his roommate, who sat across from him, their desks butted up to each other.

“I didn't get much sleep last night,” JD told him. “I had a terrible dream... about alligators... chasing me.” He shivered.

“There aren't any alligators in Colorado, kid,” Buck reasoned.

“Yeah? Well, tell that to my dream.”

“There might be alligators in Colorado. At the zoo?” Josiah asked.

“Or, in the sewers,” Vin added.

“The sewers, Mr. Tanner?” Ezra snorted condescendingly.

“Sure.” Vin nodded. “Haven't you ever seen the movie 'Alligator'? It's set in New York City and some kid got an alligator, and... I can't remember why, but they flushed it down the toilet.”

“Ewww!” Ezra shuddered.

Vin continued, “And it grew up and up,” he widened his eyes dramatically, “and up.. until it was a huge hulking monster living in the sewers below the city.”

“That can't really happen, Vin,” Nathan corrected. “First of all, it's just an urban legend. Second of all, the alligator could not have survived. It would have died, drowned, when it was flushed down the toilet.”

“It could have happened,” Vin defended. “Alligators live underwater, you know.”

“But they don't breathe underwater! They would have to come to the surface to breathe. Hence... the drowning,” Nathan explained.

With a long-suffering sigh, Vin shook his head and then proceeded to ignore the medic as he continued on with the story. “Anyway, so this alligator was in the sewers. And it was huge. And it came out to eat people.” He paused. “Well, first it ate people that came into the sewers. But eventually it ran out of wholesome 'sustenance',” Vin bobbed his eyebrows purposefully at Nathan, “and it had to come out amongst,” his eyes got big, “'the people'.”

“And... it ate them,” Buck added, deadpan.

“Nom, nom, nom.” Vin smacked his lips.

Ezra sighed loudly, his eyes downcast. He looked up sadly. “An alligator ate my Aunt Bethany.”

“Nuh uh!” JD said.

Ezra nodded. “Dreadful,” he beamed a Cheshire grin, “...for the alligator.”

JD barked out a laugh.

“Well, next time, John Daniel, when you're having a nightmare... like this one... where someone, or something, is chasing you, all you need to do is use a little mind power to change the dream,” Josiah told him wisely. "In your dream, imagine the alligator differently, less threateningly.”

“Like, it's lost all it's teeth?” JD asked.

“It's wearing a diaper,” Buck said.

“It's dancing the can-can while it's chasing you?” Ezra added.

Vin slapped his desk. “Oh, I know! It's like the alien that comes out the the guy's stomach in 'Spaceballs', with the top hat and cane, singing 'Hello my baby, hello my darlin'..."

Josiah sighed deeply. “Something like that.” He said straight faced, and then ran a hand tiredly over his mouth.

Nathan laughed at Josiah. “I bet next time you won't even try to help,” he told his best friend.

Josiah gave him a big toothed grin.

“But...” JD scrunched up his forehead. “Change my dream? How can I do that? Because... I'm asleep.”

“You do it subconsciously,” Josiah told him patiently.

“But,” JD's voice rose an octave, “I'm not unconscious. I'm just asleep!”

Josiah stared at him. After a long moment, he finally blinked a few times and then glanced down at his watch. “Wow! Would you look at that time! I've got a .... meeting... with some... people... about... uh... something...” And he stood up. “I've got to... go.”

Nathan also stood up. “Yeah, I've got that same meeting.”

They both left.

“A meeting with Starbucks!” Vin grinned at the others.

“So, anyway...” Buck shook his head, from where he was staring at the door the two agents had just walked out of. He looked back at the others. “What were we talking about?”

“Alligators,” JD told him.

“Nom, nom, nom.” Vin smacked his lips.

“Are you quite sure it was an alligator, Mr. Dunne?” Ezra asked. “It could very well have been a crocodile.”

“What's the difference?” JD asked.

“Oh, well...” Ezra puffed himself up. “First of all, they are not even in the same family. The crocodile belongs in family crocodyl-”

“No, I mean...” JD cut him off, staring at him like he was an alien. “What's the *difference*? It was gonna *eat* me!” His voice cracked.

“Well,” Ezra asked reasonably, “how do you know it was going to eat you? Maybe it just wanted to talk.” He smirked.

“Or sell you Girl Scout cookies,” Vin added.

“Gator Ate-A-Scout cookies?” Buck asked.

Vin laughed.

JD shook his head unbelievingly. “No, I'm pretty sure it wanted to eat me.”

“Well,” Ezra sighed. “Maybe it was misunderstood.”

“Maybe it needed therapy.” Buck bobbed his eyebrows.

“Anger management classes?” Vin wondered.

The door to the bullpen opened and then closed loudly.

“Speaking of anger management classes... There's our head alligator, now.” Vin smiled

Chris Larabee stood in the doorway. His gaze swept over them. “Where's Nate and Josiah?”

“Taking a mental health break,” Ezra told him.

“What?” Chris asked.

Buck grinned. “Probably at Starbucks.”

“Oh,” Chris said as he walked into the room. “So, you guys drove them batty again, huh?”

“It's not hard.” JD grinned.

Ezra laughed.

Buck and Vin air high-fived.

“So...” JD smiled. “Back to work.”

Snorting, Chris shook his head. “You guys have really got to stop doing this.”

“But...” JD said in an evil voice as he rubbed his hands together. “It's so much fun.”

Chris rolled his eyes as he turned away and started for his office, the corner of his mouth turning up in a grin.

March 2008


I really don't know what the difference is between Alligators and Crocodiles. (They both scare the bejeezuz out of me!) So... I looked it up. ;) Crocodilian Biology Database

Girl Scout cookies belong to the Girl Scouts (and they belong in my belly! ahhh... Thin Mints! <sigh>)

The movie Alligator belongs to... uh... the people who made it! (And it was the cause of a lot of my early childhood nightmares. Especially the pool part. Yeeow!)

 

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