Bathroom On The Right

By: Ruby

Rating: G

Disclaimer: The Magnificent Seven is owned by Trilogy, Mirish and MGM. No money is being made. This fanfic is purely for entertainment purposes.

AU: ATF - Thanks, Mog! :)

Author's Notes: Thanks to Phyllis for betaing the story for me. :) (I made some last minute changes, so any mistakes are my fault. Sorry.)

Sequel to Bureau. Third in the series: Apastapickle, Bureau, Bathroom On The Right, Makin' Copies. You'll most likely need to read the other two for this one to make sense. There's a tiny reference to my story Your True Family. If you find it, you get a cookie. <g>

Please let me know what you think. Thanks, Ruby :)



Bathroom On The Right

By: Ruby

JD laughed as he caught the Nerf football thrown at him.

"I cannot believe this. Two o'clock on a Saturday afternoon and I'm at work," Buck bemoaned. "I'm gonna call the Union!"

JD and Vin shared grins.

"Does Chris care that I had plans today? Nooo. Does he care that sweet, blonde, body-from-the-gods Christina was just begging to be-"

"Mr. Wilmington," Ezra interrupted Buck as he walked into the room, hanging his expensive jacket up on a hanger and then sitting down at his desk, "I do believe that you are about to impart with 'Too Much Information.' And, let me just say, that I am *not* in the mood today for your whining and pining."

Buck huffed, pouting in the undercover agent's direction.

"Ezra rhymes!" JD grinned as he tossed the ball to Vin.

Vin smiled, catching the small orange and green ball one-handed.

Ezra glared at JD for a moment before glancing around the room. "And where, might I ask, are Mr. Sanchez and Mr. Jackson? Are we not *all* supposed to be here?"

"You missed 'em," Vin answered as he threw the ball to Buck. "You should have gotten here sooner. We've all been here since ten. 'Siah and Nate done got their work done and done headed out."

"'Done got their work done and done headed out'?" Ezra mocked, his eyebrow raised, his lip curled. "Could you say 'done' one more time?"

"Done." Vin grinned wryly as he complied.

"'That's my name, don't wear it out!" JD sing-songed, laughing loudly. For a long minute, the three men stared at him in silence.

Finally, JD cleared his throat. He took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly as he frowned, his face serious. He shook his head, looking sadly over at the sharpshooter. "Yeah, Vin." He sighed. "Ain't you got no grammar skills at'all?" he drawled. His mouth quirking up in a grin.

"Well, shucks, JD. I just ain't had as much school marmin' as the rest of ya'alls."

"Enough!" Ezra's voice rose. He shook his head. "And what do you mean 'Should have got here sooner'? I came as soon as I got the call."

The three ATF agents stared at him.

Ezra blinked slowly.

They continued staring. 

"Well," Ezra shifted in his seat as he harrumphed, "I came as soon as I could."

JD's eyes widened slightly. 

Ezra snorted, glaring at the three men.

JD rolled his eyes as he caught the ball thrown by Buck.

"So..." Ezra picked a piece of paper up from his desk.

"That's a list of projects that need to be completed before ya can leave." JD smiled sweetly as he threw the ball back to Buck.

"I can see that, Mr. Dunne." Ezra sneered at him and then looked down at his list. "Might I ask why the rest of you are not 'done' and headed out by now?" He glanced up and his gaze followed the Nerf football as it flew through the air. "Oh. Right." He looked back down. "Never mind."

"Chris ain't even here right now, Ez. Top secret meeting with Travis or some such nonsense." Buck smiled widely. "Figured when he got back we'd start workin'. Till then, we're just havin' a little fun." He turned his radio up and then tossed the ball over to JD.

"So, what, gentlemen, makes this day different from any other?" Ezra smirked.

"Ha. Ha." JD rolled his eyes.

Ezra looked over at him, a dark look crossing over his face. "I'm surprised you're not defacing government property at the moment, as you seem wont to do."

"Ah, get over it, Ez." JD smiled as he threw the ball to Vin. "It wasn't even a new dictionary. Had to be years and years old."

Ezra narrowed his eyes. 

"Not my fault the government can't afford those new cheap paperback ones. I couldn't help it. That paper was just beggin' to be turned to planes."

Ezra growled, low in his throat.

Vin and JD shared a grin when Ezra finally tore his glare from Dunne.

"Oh. Oh. CCR!" JD shouted, sitting up straighter in his chair. "I love this song, Buck! Turn it up, will you?"

"Sure thing, kid. 'Bout time you got some taste in the music ya listen to."

"Ha. Ha." JD fake smiled. 

"Creedence Clearwater Revival. Now *this* is my kind of music." Buck smiled wistfully.

JD started humming and singing along to the music. "Hmm hmm hmm trouble on the way. Huh huh earth quakes and lightning. Hmm hmm bad times today. Don't come around tonight. Hmm hmm bound to take your life. The-re's a bath room on the right." He tapped his foot as he sang along.

Ezra stared at him. 

JD threw the ball to Vin. "Hurricanes a blowin'." He moved his head in time with the beat. "The end is coming soon. Hmm hmm rivers overflowing. I hear the voice of something and something." His gaze followed the ball as it flew from Vin to Buck. "Don't go around tonight. Its' bound to take your life. The-re's a bath room on the right." He caught the ball, flipping it up in the air and then tossing it from hand to hand before throwing it again.

Ezra looked from Vin to Buck and then slowly back to JD. His mouth turned down at the corners and his eyebrows drew together over narrowed eyes.

JD picked up a pen and a pencil, and, with gusto, started rapping out a beat on his desk in time with the instrumental music. He held the pencil up to his mouth and started singing again, "Ba ba ba things together. Hmm hmm quite prepared to die. Looks like we're in for bad weather. Something something something something." He leaned back in his chair as he belted out the song into his yellow 'microphone.' "Don't go around tonight. It's bound to take your life. The-re's a bath room on the right."

"Mr. Dunne." 

JD shot forward, catching himself on his desk. "Yeah, Ez?"

"The words." Ezra spoke slowly. "To the song." He raised his eyebrows. 

"Yeah? What about 'em?" JD asked innocently.

Ezra continued, speaking slowly and enunciating every word. "Are not 'There's – a – bathroom – on – the – right.'"

"Huh?" JD frowned. "Whad'ya mean?"

"There's a bathroom on the right?" Ezra cocked his head pointedly, staring at JD.

"Well, now, Ez..."

"You," Ezra turned to glare at Wilmington, "stay out of this. Mr. Four-Hundred-Children." He slowly turned his attention back to JD. "A bathroom - on the right?"

"Well, sure, Ez. 'Course." JD nodded his head as he sang the phrase again. "The-re's a bath room on the right." He smiled. "Yep. That's it."

"I do believe, Mr. Dunne, that the correct lyrics are 'There's a bad moon on the rise.'"

"No way." JD shook his head adamantly. "I know this song and I'm sayin' it's 'A bathroom on the right.'"

Ezra shook his head in disbelief. "What could 'a bathroom on the right' possibly have to do with the song. Better yet, tell me why the name of the song is 'Bad Moon Rising'?"

"Who knows." JD shrugged. "Lot's of song titles don't have anything to do with the song. Look at 'The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.'"

Ezra's mouth opened but no words came out. After a moment of gaping, he said, "I'm telling you, Mr. Dunne, the words are 'Bad moon on the rise.'"

"And I'm telling you, Mr. Standish," JD mocked, "that the words are 'Bathroom on the right.'" He paused, and then said, "I bet you!"

Ezra stood, his chair rolling away from him. "You bet me?" he asked, his voice rising in octaves.

JD stood also. "Oh, yeah! This'll be easy money." He rubbed his hands together in excitement. He glanced at Buck and nodded, a grin covering his face.

Vin and Buck glanced from JD to Ezra and then back.

After a long, tense moment, Buck said, "We could head over to the Saloon. I know for a fact the song's on the jukebox. We can get back 'fore Chris does, and he'll never know a thing."   His voice lowered and he said, almost under his breath, "On the way back, I can stop by Christina's house, we can..." he leered as his voice drifted off, his eyes fixed unseeing on the far wall. For a few moments, he sat in silence, a dumb look on his face.

Suddenly, he jumped up from his seat. "It's settled then!" he said, his voice high. He ran over to the coat rack, grabbing his jacket and throwing it on and then pulling Vin, JD, and Ezra's coats off the hangers and tossing them unceremoniously at the three men. "What are we waiting for?" He rubbed his hands together, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"Bet?" Ezra ignored the tall ladies' man, his eyes locked with JD's. "How much?" He took a step closer.

JD's eyes narrowed. He sneered. "Fifty dollars!"

Ezra's mouth opened. He shook his head slightly. "Fifty dollars?" He smiled evilly. "I do believe you are on, Mr. Dunne." He walked over and picked his jacket up from where it had landed in a heap on the floor.

"All right!" Vin smiled, standing up and stretching. "I was hungry." He grinned.

The four men walked towards the elevator. Once inside, they stood facing the door, two in the front and two in the back, shoulder to shoulder, almost touching.

JD huffed under his breath. "Is too 'A bathroom on the right.'"

"Is not," Ezra said from behind him and to his right.

"Is too!" JD turned and stuck his tongue out.

"Is not!" Ezra sneered.

"Is too!" JD huffed. 

Vin and Buck rolled their eyes, shaking their heads. 

Scrunching his face up, Vin looked at Buck. "Let's get 'em in separate vehicles."

Buck laughed. 

The elevator came to a stop and they exited. 

"I'll ride with Ez!" Vin grinned as he watched Ezra wilt right in front of him.

"Buck and me'll ride together." JD covertly stuck his tongue out at Standish one more time before he climbed up into Buck's truck.

"I saw that!"


"Is too!"

"Is not!" Ezra pushed JD as the four men walked through the Saloon doors.

"Is too!"

"Is n-"



April 2003

Read the sequel: Makin' Copies


 Please don't forget to send feedback. Ruby


Bad Moon Rising

Creedence Clearwater Revival

I see the bad moon rising

I see trouble on the way

I see earthquakes and lightnin'

I see bad times today

Don't go 'round tonight

It's bound to take your life

There's a bad moon on the rise

I hear hurricanes blowin'

I know the end is commin' soon

I fear rivers over flowin'

I hear the voice of rage and ruin

Don't go 'round tonight

It's bound to take your life

There's a bad moon on the rise


Hope you got your things together

Hope you are quite prepared to die

Looks like we'er in for nasty weather

One eye is taken for an eye

Don't go 'round tonight

It's bound to take your life

There's a bad moon on the rise

Don't go 'round tonight

It's bound to take your life

There's a bad moon on the rise



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