Ruby's Magnificent Seven Page

M7 S kewed V iew

Magnificent Seven Fanfiction ~ Parody Style

M7 Skewed View Main Page

 

Bogs and Bugs

by: Ruby

 

Rating: PG-13 Language

Disclaimer: The Magnificent Seven is owned by Trilogy, Mirish and MGM. No money is being made. This fanfic is purely for entertainment purposes.

AU: Little Britches

Author's Notes: Thanks to K. Poffenberger and S. Berry for creating the LB universe and letting others write in it.

This story started out to be a funny, lighthearted story... but by Part Two it slipped into total weirdness. I think I've read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy one too many times...LOL! Oh, and there's some cussing. Thanks to Phyllis for reading it over for me. All mistakes are mine to keep forever and ever and ever...

Warning: Parody/Satire It's not supposed to be serious at all. <g> Goofiness all the way. :)

 

 

Bogs and Bugs - Little Britches AU

by: Ruby 

Part One

"HELP! HE-LP! I'm stuck in a hole. Heeelllppp! Hey, a worm. Hey, Vin, there's a worm down here. Hey, Mister Worm, watcha doin'?" He was silent for a moment, and then he said, "Why aren't you talkin' to me, worm?"

"Buck!" Vin pointed to the hole when Buck came running up to him. "JD's in there! One minute we was running and then next, Whoosh! I looked back and JD was gone, right into the hole."

Buck patted Vin on the back as he looked at the hole. Neither of them got too close, not wanting it to cave in. "JD, just stay still, son," he instructed. "Chris's bringing some rope!"

"Oh, hey, Buck! How ya doin'? Did Vin tell you that there's a worm down here?"

Despite the grave situation, Buck turned and grinned at Vin, giving him a quick wink. "That boy and bugs!" He shook his head in mock exasperation.

Vin didn't smile. He stared at Buck with unflinching eyes. "JD's in a hole, Mr. Buck. Ain't nothin' funny about that." His gaze turned into a full-fledged glare and Buck had to turn away before the little boy saw that the corners of his mouth had turned up.

"Ahem," Buck cleared his throat loudly when Chris walked up carrying the rope.

"How's he doin'?" The gunslinger asked.

"Oh, pretty good," Buck answered, his eyes twinklin'. "He found a worm."

Chris's eyes widened for a second. "Hmm." His voice was bland. " Imagine that."

Buck smiled widely. 

Vin glared from one peacekeeper to the next. "You gonna get 'im out, or what?"

"Yeah, Vin. Sure thing. Right now." Buck patted the small boy on his shoulder as he squatted down a good distance from the hole. "JD, son, you all right down there?" He stretched his long frame out on the ground, with his head over the hole. All he could see was blackness, JD was so far down. "JD?"

No answer. 

"JD?"

Nothing.

"JD!"

"Buck!" JD whined loudly. "You're gonna scare Bob away."

"Bob?" Chris asked, his eyebrows high. 

"Bob the beetle. He's my new friend. Can I keep him in Vin and me's room?"

Buck sighed loudly. "Let's just get you out of the hole first, kid."

"'K," JD answered softly. "But I really like him. His pinchers don't hurt much, even though he was stuck on my finger for a short little while."

Buck winced as he turned a smiling face up to Larabee. "Ouch." He turned his attention back to the hole. "We're gonna send a rope down now, JD, and I want you to grab onto it. Even better, if you could tie it around you. Remember how I taught you to tie a rope?"

"'Like tyin' a shoe'," JD mimicked his lesson.

"Yep. Just like that. So, if you could get the rope around you and then tie it."

"Around your tummy," Chris clarified from where he squatted next to Buck's prone body.

"Yeah! Yeah." Buck corrected himself before a tragedy could ensue. "Around your middle, JD. No where else." He nodded over to Chris, and the blond sent the rope sailing into the hole. "Here comes the rope, JD."

"OW!" JD yelled.

"JD? You all right?"

"Something just hit me on my head, Mr. Chris." JD's voice quivered.

"That would be the rope, son."

"Oh..." They could almost hear JD rubbing his head. "Well... it's a hard rope."

Chris couldn't hide the smile in his voice. "Sorry about that, JD."

"That's okay, Mr. Chris. I know you didn't 'mean' to hit me on my head with a hard rope," JD told him petulantly.

Buck grinned over at Chris. 

Vin looked impatiently from one man to the other. "Well, are you gonna get 'im out or what?"

"JD, can you tie the rope around your waist? Your middle?"

"No."

"No?"

"Huh uh."

"Why not?" Buck asked.

"Cause there's not enough room. I'm kinda close to the wall. My arms are caught beside me and I can't move 'em."

"Oh." 

"And... I'm stuck."

"You're stuck?"

"The muds suckin' on my shoes. I can't pull my feet loose from it."

"Crap."

"Buck, you said a bad word." 

"I know," he said. "Okay, just hang still, kiddo. Chris and I..."

"Ahem!"

"And Vin are gonna talk about how were gonna get you out of there."

"And Bob? Gotta get Bob out too."

"And Bob." Buck smiled.

"Okay. But hurry up, Buck... I gotta go."

"Okay, just hang tight."

"That's what I 'am' doing."

Buck shook his head as he rolled away from the hole and walked a few feet away to confer with a worried Chris and a frantic Vin.

Part Two

"Can't believe we've got a bog in our own back yard." Chris shook his head. "And I can't believe we've never noticed it before."

Chris's voice must have carried because JD started yelling.

"I'm in a bog? AGGGHH! Get me out! Get me out! I'm in a bog!"

"Calm down, JD. It just means a swampy hole." Buck called over to the hole.

"Oh. Whew! I was worried."

"Just keep keepin' still like I told you and we'll have you out in no time."

"'K," JD answered and then asked, "Hey, Buck, what's a termite look like?"

Buck shook his head as he took in a deep breath and let it out. "What are we gonna do?"

"Well, back in Indiana, this happened, and they tunneled under the child and pulled him out."

Buck's eyebrows rose high on his head. "Ah... yeah."

"Hmmm." Vin pursed his lips, deep in thought. He tapped his lower lip with his index finger. "What if...? Oh, no, that would never work." More silent lip tapping. "Maybe we could...?" He shook his head. "Oh, nevermind, we'd never get a bear to do that." He sighed. "Hmmm." He started tapping his foot. "I guess, if we had to...? Wait, that wouldn't work, it'd take too long for 'im to grow up and get big and climb out 'imself. Well..." He looked up at the two men, shrugging his shoulders. "Shoot. I'm all out of ideas."

The two peacekeepers stared down at the young boy, their eyes wide and their eyebrows high.

"Umm... okay." Buck answered. 

Chris just stared.

"What are we gonna do?" Buck asked again.

"I'm thinking. I'm thinking," Chris answered. 

"Why don't'cha just tie a rope around my waist, drop me down into the hole head first and I'll grab onto JD and pull 'im out." Vin's earnest little cherubic face looked from one man to the other.

The two peacekeepers stared down at the young boy, their eyes wide and their eyebrows high.

"Uh... yeah... sure... like we'd do that, Vin," Buck chuckled nervously as he sneaked peaks over at Chris

"No way. Not a chance. No way in God's desert-colored earth would I allow Vin to do that."

"But I'm getting hungry. And I know neither of you's are going to make supper while he's down there." Vin stomped his foot. "And I'm hungry!"

"He does have a point," Chris conceded.

Buck rubbed his rumbling stomach. "About being hungry?"

Chris gave him a sharp look. "No, about dropping him down there. It just might work."

"Hey," JD's voice called out from the hole. "Can snakes be in the ground? Just wondering cause this looks a lot like a snake. Hello, Mister Snake. What are you doing? AGGGHH! AGGGHHH! It's got me! It's got me. Oh, no, wait. Nevermind."

The three worried family members had run over to the side of the hole, Buck dropping down on his belly to look down into the inky blackness. "You okay, JD?"

"Sure, Buck. Why wouldn't I be?"

Buck blinked twice before narrowing his eyes. "We're gonna pull the rope back out of the hole and then we're gonna drop Vin down it headfirst and he's gonna grab onto you and pull you out."

"Is he gonna grab onto my head?"

"No, son."

"Oh, okay. I was just wondering." He was silent for a moment, and then asked, "When Vin's done, can I have my turn?"

"But, JD, Vin's doing this to get you out of the hole."

"It's not fair! It's not!" JD cried heartbroken sobs. "Vin always gets to do things that I don't. I never get my turn. Hey, a caterpillar! Cool." He spoke in a deep voice, "Hello Mister Catter Piller! Where ya goin'? Why you got so many legs? Can I call you Marion?"

Buck shook his head as he pulled the rope free from the hole.

The three slightly-exasperated, starting-to-get-impatient, and very-hungry family members stood in a huddle. Chris holding the rope, looking at Vin earnestly.

"Vin." 

The small child looked up at him. "I know."

"As long as you do." Chris nodded once as he started to tie the rope around Vin's torso.

"What?" Buck's voice squeaked. "What? What did I miss?" When he didn't get an answer, Buck turned away with a loud huff. Walking back over to the hole, he squatted down next to it. "JD, we're gonna send Vin down now for you."

"And Bob?"

"And Bob," Buck agreed reluctantly.

"I don't want no beetle's pinchers diggin' into my skin." Vin glared at the dark hole. 

"You'll like 'im Vin. Bob's real nice when he ain't gouging your skin out. I'm gonna let 'im sleep in our bed."

Vin blinked a few times and then slowly turned and started for the house, trailing the length of rope behind him.

"Where ya goin' Vin?" Buck called out. "Ain't ya gonna get JD out? Vin? Come on... he's cute, and he's your cousin, and you love 'im, right?"

Vin stopped walking. His shoulders drooped in defeat. He stood there a moment, his head down.

"AGGHHH! Get it off! Get it off! AGGGGHHHH!" JD screamed. "Oh, no... I just squished Bob." JD sniffed mournfully from the inky blackness.

Vin turned back around and happily started back for the hole. 

The three stood in a circle around the hole, leaning forward, the palms of their hands resting on their thighs, looking down.

After a moment of silence, Vin held his hand out in front of the hole and waved it across it once. "If you were to describe this, would you say it was 'Inky Blackness'? Or..." he looked up at Chris and then back down. "Would you describe it as the 'Never-Ending Black Void From Hell'?"

"Ah..." Chris shifted uncomfortably. "Let's go with the latter."

"A ladder? We have a ladder!?" Vin accused. "Why'n hell didn't you tell me we had a ladder?!" He started untying the rope from his waist. "Like I'd let myself get dropped headfirst into the Never-Ending Black Void From Hell when we have a ladder!" He sniffed loudly as he shook his head in contempt.d

"A ladder won't work, Vin."

"Well, god dammit! I mean..." He looked up at the two men who were staring at him. "I mean, dagnabit! That... that... sucks."

Chris retied the knot, made sure it was strong and then patted Vin on the back with a glad-it's-you-and-not-me look. "Fair thee well, little son."

"What?"

"Good luck."

"Oh." 

"JD, here comes Vin. He's gonna grab onto you." 

"'K." JD sniffed, apparently still upset over the loss of his close friend. "But not Bob, cause he's dead."

Vin grinned happily up at the two men as he rubbed his hands together. 

Lying down, Vin stretched himself out next to the hole and started to climb inside. After a moment, he hurriedly wriggled back out. After standing up and trying to wipe the mud from his clothes he swallowed hard as he looked up at the men, chagrined. "It's dark in there."

"Didn't you think it'd be dark?" Chris asked.

"Yeah..." He chuckled nervously. "But not that dark." 

"Vin." Buck gave him a pointed look. "It's JD." 

Vin's eyes widened for a second and he shook his head. "Yeah." He sighed. "It's too bad. I always did like the little fellow, except for his predilection for insects."

Buck and Chris exchanged a look before glaring down at the boy. 

"Okay. Okay! All right! But if this experience serves to make me claustrophobic in my later years, ya'll are paying for the therapy!" He stomped back to the hole and threw himself back on the ground. "Here I come, JD. You ready?"

"Yep!" JD called out happily. "Can a caterpillar sleep in our bed, Vin?"

Vin shook his head as he started into the hole. 

Chris held onto the rope as Buck gave him anxious directions. "Easy now. A little more. Don't give him too much slack."

Chris blinked over at him. "I know what I'm doing, Buck."

"Oh, yeah... I know. Just tryin' to help, is all."

Chris continued to stare at him. "If you want to help, you can go make supper." 

"Oh, yeah, sure." Buck agreed as he started to turn away and then stopped, looking back. "Heeyy!"

"Got im!" Vin yelled from the hole. 

"AGGGGHHH! AGGGGHHH! Something's got me! Something's got me! AAAAGGGGHHH!!!"

"JD," Buck called out loudly, "that's just Vin."

"Oh. Ha Ha... right."

"Pull 'im up," Buck instructed Chris. 

"What in the hell does it look like I'm doing? Baking a cake?" Chris huffed out as he pulled on the rope.

"Ow! Ow! My head," JD sobbed. 

"Vin, don't grab JD by his head." 

"Oh... sorry."

Chris kept pulling and after a while the two boys were hefted out of the Never-Ending Black Void From Hell.

Lying on the ground next to the hole, breathing hard, the mud covered boys stared at the blue sky.

After a few moments, JD sat up. "Hey," he stared down at his feet, "my shoes are gone." He then looked around frantically. "And where's Marion?!"

 

July 2003

 

  Please let me know what you think. I'd love to know. Ruby :)

[email protected]

M7 Skewed View Main Page

Ruby's Magnificent Seven Page