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Bogs
and Bugs |
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by:
Ruby |
Rating:
PG-13 Language
Disclaimer:
The Magnificent Seven is owned by Trilogy, Mirish and MGM. No money
is being made. This fanfic is purely for entertainment purposes.
AU:
Little Britches
Author's
Notes: Thanks
to K. Poffenberger and S. Berry for creating the LB universe and
letting others write in it.
This
story started out to be a funny, lighthearted story... but by Part
Two it slipped into total weirdness. I think I've read The
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
one too many times...LOL! Oh, and there's some cussing. Thanks to
Phyllis for reading it over for me. All mistakes are mine to keep
forever and ever and ever...
Warning: Parody/Satire
It's
not supposed to be serious at all. <g> Goofiness all the way. :)
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Bogs
and Bugs
- Little Britches AU |
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by:
Ruby |
Part
One
"HELP!
HE-LP! I'm stuck in a hole. Heeelllppp! Hey, a worm. Hey, Vin,
there's a worm down here. Hey, Mister Worm, watcha doin'?" He
was silent for a moment, and then he said, "Why aren't you
talkin' to me, worm?"
"Buck!"
Vin pointed to the hole when Buck came running up to him. "JD's
in there! One minute we was running and then next, Whoosh! I looked
back and JD was gone, right into the hole."
Buck
patted Vin on the back as he looked at the hole. Neither of them got
too close, not wanting it to cave in. "JD, just stay still,
son," he instructed. "Chris's bringing some rope!"
"Oh,
hey, Buck! How ya doin'? Did Vin tell you that there's a worm down here?"
Despite
the grave situation, Buck turned and grinned at Vin, giving him a
quick wink. "That boy and bugs!" He shook his head in mock exasperation.
Vin
didn't smile. He stared at Buck with unflinching eyes. "JD's in
a hole, Mr. Buck. Ain't nothin' funny about that." His gaze
turned into a full-fledged glare and Buck had to turn away before the
little boy saw that the corners of his mouth had turned up.
"Ahem,"
Buck cleared his throat loudly when Chris walked up carrying the rope.
"How's
he doin'?" The gunslinger asked.
"Oh,
pretty good," Buck answered, his eyes twinklin'. "He found
a worm."
Chris's
eyes widened for a second. "Hmm." His voice was bland.
" Imagine that."
Buck
smiled widely.
Vin
glared from one peacekeeper to the next. "You gonna get 'im
out, or what?"
"Yeah,
Vin. Sure thing. Right now." Buck patted the small boy on his
shoulder as he squatted down a good distance from the hole. "JD,
son, you all right down there?" He stretched his long frame out
on the ground, with his head over the hole. All he could see was
blackness, JD was so far down. "JD?"
No
answer.
"JD?"
Nothing.
"JD!"
"Buck!"
JD whined loudly. "You're gonna scare Bob away."
"Bob?"
Chris asked, his eyebrows high.
"Bob
the beetle. He's my new friend. Can I keep him in Vin and me's room?"
Buck
sighed loudly. "Let's just get you out of the hole first, kid."
"'K,"
JD answered softly. "But I really like him. His pinchers don't
hurt much, even though he was stuck on my finger for a short little while."
Buck
winced as he turned a smiling face up to Larabee. "Ouch."
He turned his attention back to the hole. "We're gonna send a
rope down now, JD, and I want you to grab onto it. Even better, if
you could tie it around you. Remember how I taught you to tie a rope?"
"'Like
tyin' a shoe'," JD mimicked his lesson.
"Yep.
Just like that. So, if you could get the rope around you and then
tie it."
"Around
your tummy," Chris clarified from where he squatted next to
Buck's prone body.
"Yeah!
Yeah." Buck corrected himself before a tragedy could ensue.
"Around your middle, JD. No where else." He nodded over to
Chris, and the blond sent the rope sailing into the hole. "Here
comes the rope, JD."
"OW!"
JD yelled.
"JD?
You all right?"
"Something
just hit me on my head, Mr. Chris." JD's voice quivered.
"That
would be the rope, son."
"Oh..."
They could almost hear JD rubbing his head. "Well... it's a
hard rope."
Chris
couldn't hide the smile in his voice. "Sorry about that, JD."
"That's
okay, Mr. Chris. I know you didn't 'mean' to hit me on my head with
a hard rope," JD told him petulantly.
Buck
grinned over at Chris.
Vin
looked impatiently from one man to the other. "Well, are you
gonna get 'im out or what?"
"JD,
can you tie the rope around your waist? Your middle?"
"No."
"No?"
"Huh
uh."
"Why
not?" Buck asked.
"Cause
there's not enough room. I'm kinda close to the wall. My arms are
caught beside me and I can't move 'em."
"Oh."
"And...
I'm stuck."
"You're
stuck?"
"The
muds suckin' on my shoes. I can't pull my feet loose from it."
"Crap."
"Buck,
you said a bad word."
"I
know," he said. "Okay, just hang still, kiddo. Chris and I..."
"Ahem!"
"And
Vin are gonna talk about how were gonna get you out of there."
"And
Bob? Gotta get Bob out too."
"And
Bob." Buck smiled.
"Okay.
But hurry up, Buck... I gotta go."
"Okay,
just hang tight."
"That's
what I 'am' doing."
Buck
shook his head as he rolled away from the hole and walked a few feet
away to confer with a worried Chris and a frantic Vin.
Part
Two
"Can't
believe we've got a bog in our own back yard." Chris shook his
head. "And I can't believe we've never noticed it before."
Chris's
voice must have carried because JD started yelling.
"I'm
in a bog? AGGGHH! Get me out! Get me out! I'm in a bog!"
"Calm
down, JD. It just means a swampy hole." Buck called over to the hole.
"Oh.
Whew! I was worried."
"Just
keep keepin' still like I told you and we'll have you out in no time."
"'K,"
JD answered and then asked, "Hey, Buck, what's a termite look
like?"
Buck
shook his head as he took in a deep breath and let it out.
"What are we gonna do?"
"Well,
back in Indiana, this happened, and they tunneled under the
child and pulled him out."
Buck's
eyebrows rose high on his head. "Ah...
yeah."
"Hmmm."
Vin pursed his lips, deep in thought. He tapped his lower lip
with his index finger. "What if...? Oh, no, that would never
work." More silent lip tapping. "Maybe we could...?" He shook
his head. "Oh, nevermind, we'd never get a bear to do that."
He sighed. "Hmmm." He started tapping his foot. "I guess, if
we had to...? Wait, that wouldn't work, it'd take too long for
'im to grow up and get big and climb out 'imself. Well..." He
looked up at the two men, shrugging his shoulders. "Shoot. I'm
all out of ideas."
The two
peacekeepers stared down at the young boy, their eyes wide and
their eyebrows high.
"Umm...
okay." Buck answered.
Chris
just stared.
"What
are we gonna do?" Buck asked again.
"I'm
thinking. I'm thinking," Chris
answered.
"Why
don't'cha just tie a rope around my waist, drop me down into
the hole head first and I'll grab onto JD and pull 'im out."
Vin's earnest little cherubic face looked from one man to the
other.
The two
peacekeepers stared down at the young boy, their eyes wide and
their eyebrows high.
"Uh...
yeah... sure... like we'd do that, Vin," Buck chuckled
nervously as he sneaked peaks over at
Chris
"No
way. Not a chance. No way in God's desert-colored earth would
I allow Vin to do that."
"But
I'm getting hungry. And I know neither of you's are going to
make supper while he's down there." Vin stomped his foot. "And
I'm hungry!"
"He
does have a point," Chris conceded.
Buck
rubbed his rumbling stomach. "About being
hungry?"
Chris
gave him a sharp look. "No, about dropping him down there. It
just might work."
"Hey,"
JD's voice called out from the hole. "Can snakes be in the
ground? Just wondering cause this looks a lot like a snake.
Hello, Mister Snake. What are you doing? AGGGHH! AGGGHHH! It's
got me! It's got me. Oh, no, wait.
Nevermind."
The
three worried family members had run over to the side of the
hole, Buck dropping down on his belly to look down into the
inky blackness. "You okay, JD?"
"Sure,
Buck. Why wouldn't I be?"
Buck
blinked twice before narrowing his eyes. "We're gonna pull the
rope back out of the hole and then we're gonna drop Vin down
it headfirst and he's gonna grab onto you and pull you
out."
"Is he
gonna grab onto my head?"
"No,
son."
"Oh,
okay. I was just wondering." He was silent for a moment, and
then asked, "When Vin's done, can I have my
turn?"
"But,
JD, Vin's doing this to get you out of the
hole."
"It's
not fair! It's not!" JD cried heartbroken sobs. "Vin always
gets to do things that I don't. I never get my turn. Hey, a
caterpillar! Cool." He spoke in a deep voice, "Hello Mister
Catter Piller! Where ya goin'? Why you got so many legs? Can I
call you Marion?"
Buck
shook his head as he pulled the rope free from the
hole.
The
three slightly-exasperated, starting-to-get-impatient, and
very-hungry family members stood in a huddle. Chris holding
the rope, looking at Vin earnestly.
"Vin."
The
small child looked up at him. "I
know."
"As
long as you do." Chris nodded once as he started to tie the
rope around Vin's torso.
"What?"
Buck's voice squeaked. "What? What did I miss?" When he didn't
get an answer, Buck turned away with a loud huff. Walking back
over to the hole, he squatted down next to it. "JD, we're
gonna send Vin down now for you."
"And
Bob?"
"And
Bob," Buck agreed reluctantly.
"I
don't want no beetle's pinchers diggin' into my skin." Vin
glared at the dark hole.
"You'll
like 'im Vin. Bob's real nice when he ain't gouging your skin
out. I'm gonna let 'im sleep in our
bed."
Vin
blinked a few times and then slowly turned and started for the
house, trailing the length of rope behind
him.
"Where
ya goin' Vin?" Buck called out. "Ain't ya gonna get JD out?
Vin? Come on... he's cute, and he's your cousin, and you love
'im, right?"
Vin
stopped walking. His shoulders drooped in defeat. He stood
there a moment, his head down.
"AGGHHH! Get it off! Get it off!
AGGGGHHHH!" JD screamed. "Oh, no... I just squished Bob." JD
sniffed mournfully from the inky
blackness.
Vin
turned back around and happily started back for the
hole.
The
three stood in a circle around the hole, leaning forward, the
palms of their hands resting on their thighs, looking
down.
After a
moment of silence, Vin held his hand out in front of the hole
and waved it across it once. "If you were to describe this,
would you say it was 'Inky Blackness'? Or..." he looked up at
Chris and then back down. "Would you describe it as the
'Never-Ending Black Void From Hell'?"
"Ah..."
Chris shifted uncomfortably. "Let's go with the
latter."
"A
ladder? We have a ladder!?" Vin accused. "Why'n hell didn't
you tell me we had a ladder?!" He started untying the rope
from his waist. "Like I'd let myself get dropped headfirst
into the Never-Ending Black Void From Hell when we have a
ladder!" He sniffed loudly as he shook his head in
contempt.d
"A
ladder won't work, Vin."
"Well,
god dammit! I mean..." He looked up at the two men who were
staring at him. "I mean, dagnabit! That... that...
sucks."
Chris
retied the knot, made sure it was strong and then patted Vin
on the back with a glad-it's-you-and-not-me look. "Fair thee
well, little son."
"What?"
"Good
luck."
"Oh."
"JD,
here comes Vin. He's gonna grab onto
you."
"'K."
JD sniffed, apparently still upset over the loss of his close
friend. "But not Bob, cause he's
dead."
Vin
grinned happily up at the two men as he rubbed his hands
together.
Lying
down, Vin stretched himself out next to the hole and started
to climb inside. After a moment, he hurriedly wriggled back
out. After standing up and trying to wipe the mud from his
clothes he swallowed hard as he looked up at the men,
chagrined. "It's dark in there."
"Didn't
you think it'd be dark?" Chris asked.
"Yeah..." He chuckled nervously. "But not
that dark."
"Vin."
Buck gave him a pointed look. "It's
JD."
Vin's
eyes widened for a second and he shook his head. "Yeah." He
sighed. "It's too bad. I always did like the little fellow,
except for his predilection for
insects."
Buck
and Chris exchanged a look before glaring down at the
boy.
"Okay.
Okay! All right! But if this experience serves to make me
claustrophobic in my later years, ya'll are paying for the
therapy!" He stomped back to the hole and threw himself back
on the ground. "Here I come, JD. You
ready?"
"Yep!"
JD called out happily. "Can a caterpillar sleep in our bed,
Vin?"
Vin
shook his head as he started into the
hole.
Chris
held onto the rope as Buck gave him anxious directions. "Easy
now. A little more. Don't give him too much
slack."
Chris
blinked over at him. "I know what I'm doing,
Buck."
"Oh,
yeah... I know. Just tryin' to help, is
all."
Chris
continued to stare at him. "If you want to help, you can go
make supper."
"Oh,
yeah, sure." Buck agreed as he started to turn away and then
stopped, looking back. "Heeyy!"
"Got
im!" Vin yelled from the hole.
"AGGGGHHH! AGGGGHHH! Something's got me!
Something's got me! AAAAGGGGHHH!!!"
"JD,"
Buck called out loudly, "that's just
Vin."
"Oh. Ha
Ha... right."
"Pull
'im up," Buck instructed Chris.
"What
in the hell does it look like I'm doing? Baking a cake?" Chris
huffed out as he pulled on the rope.
"Ow!
Ow! My head," JD sobbed.
"Vin,
don't grab JD by his head."
"Oh...
sorry."
Chris
kept pulling and after a while the two boys were hefted out of
the Never-Ending Black Void From
Hell.
Lying
on the ground next to the hole, breathing hard, the mud
covered boys stared at the blue sky.
After a
few moments, JD sat up. "Hey," he stared down at his feet, "my
shoes are gone." He then looked around frantically. "And
where's Marion?!"
July
2003
Please let me know what you
think. I'd love to know. Ruby :)
Ruby1481_7@yahoo.com
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