Rating: PG-13 Bad language

Disclaimer: The Magnificent Seven is owned by Trilogy, Mirish and MGM. No money is being made. This fanfic is purely for entertainment purposes.

AU: ATF - Thanks Mog! :)

Author's Notes: Thanks to Phyllis for betaing this story for me. I totally stole a scene from the movie City Slickers.

This is just a silly, quick little story. You ever had one of them days? <g> Well, last Thursday was my Day From Hell. I wrote this story that night as therapy. LOL

Feedback is always greatly appreciated. Please let me know what you think. Ruby :)


Human Beans

By: Ruby

"You made a mistake, JD. A *mistake*," Buck said, sitting on the edge of the young ATF agent's desk, staring down at him.

JD wouldn't look at him, wouldn't even turn his head toward him. 

Buck watched as the young man swallowed hard, his shoulders slumping further. The big man shook his head. "Jesus, kid, how long you gonna beat yourself up about this?"

Glaring up at him, JD's right eye twitched as he said, "As long as I want to, Buck. I fucked up, okay? It was a stupid, dumbass mistake, and I -fucked- up."

"Well, yeah." Buck shrugged, grinning slightly. "But, it's done now and beatin' yourself up about it ain't gonna solve nothin' 'cept makin' you feel like crap. All we can do is learn from our mistakes, and go on."

Swallowing hard, JD looked down and then back up at Buck, his eyes bright.

"You must be the smartest man in the world then, Mr. Wilmington," Ezra drawled as he passed close by JD's desk on his way back from the break room.

JD and Buck both glared over at the undercover agent, who was sitting himself down in his desk chair.

"Oh, yeah?" Buck shifted on JD's desk to face Standish. "And who blew who's cover on the Tally case?"

"Excuse me? Who blew *whom's* cover," Ezra said snobbishly, as he looked over at Wilmington with disdain.

"'Whom's'? That's not even a word." Buck chortled at the southerner's expense, reaching down and thumping JD on the chest. "Listen to him, kid. He's supposed to be so smart. Doesn't even know the English language."

A grin flitted across JD's sad face as he looked from Buck over to the undercover agent.

His face getting red, Ezra glared at Buck.

Wilmington looked down at JD. "If good ole Ezra there can mangle the English language, I think we can let your little ole blunder go." His smile lit up his face.

Looking up at his roommate in wonder, JD sighed as he shook his head. 

Buck stood, leaning down and patting JD on the back. "Don't sweat the small stuff, kid. No one died. No one got a hole in 'em. No one..." He smiled crookedly as he rolled his eyes in Standish's direction. "No one lost a piece of clothing that's worth more than your motorcycle."

JD laughed outright at this. 

Buck beamed down at him, his eyes twinkling. Grasping him around the back of the neck, Buck said, "You'll be okay, kid. Just remember tomorrow's another day. Learn from your mistakes, and move on. That's what being a human bean is all about." He walked over to his own desk.

"A human *bean*?" JD guffawed. 

"Well, sure," Buck said, holding his arms up to his side to encompass the rest of the room. "We're all human beans."

"I do hope you mean that we are all human *beings*," Ezra said, ducking his head but not moving his eyes, looking at Buck studiously.

Buck sat down in his chair, turning it to look at Standish. "Jeez, Ezra. Do you need to get your ears fixed? That's what I said. Human 'beans'." Buck tsked under his breath as he furrowed his brow at the undercover agent.

Ezra stood up, staring at Buck. "You're saying 'beans'. B-e-a-n-s," he spelled it out. "Not b-e-i-n-g-s," he enunciated each letter, drawing out the 's' for a few seconds.

Buck waved him away, scoffing. "Whatever." 

Laughing loudly, JD watched both men, a huge smile on his face. 

"Dunne!" Chris called from the doorway to the conference room. "You're up."

JD swallowed hard, glancing from Ezra to Buck and then to the door his boss had just walked back through.

"Don't worry, kid, the other guys are in there. They won't let you get eaten alive." Buck smiled over at him.

"Oh," JD scoffed, "yeah, Buck. *That's* a big comfort." He laughed lightheartedly, shaking his head as he got up and walked towards the room.

Buck watched him go, a sad, affectionate smile on his face. He sighed, shrugging his shoulders slightly as he glanced over at the southerner. "At least he laughed."

"I dare say, it won't be the last mistake the boy makes. That any of us makes," Ezra said as he sat down, grabbing a pile of papers on his desk and straightening them. He glanced up at Buck. "He is, after all, a human 'bean'." He smirked playfully at him.

Buck grinned as he watched the southerner. "Thanks, Ez." He cocked his head as his look turned thoughtful. The corner of his mouth turned up in a fond smile. "*Whom*ever shall I tell that there's an actual, decent man underneath all that complaining and rancor and down-right prissiness?"

Standish rolled his eyes as he smiled slightly and then sighed. "Don't ever let it be said that I won't sacrifice my pride for my understanding and usage of the English language for the benefit of another."

Buck blinked twice, his smile turning into a confused open mouth as he stared at Ezra, his eyes wide. "Okay, I won't say it." Turning away, he said under his breath, "Not even sure I could *write* it." He grinned over his shoulder at the undercover agent.

Opening up a folder on his desk, Ezra rolled his eyes as he glanced toward the conference room door. "I do believe that our boss expects work to be done from all of the 'beans' that still remain in the office, and that weren't involved in," he grinned as he widened his eyes dramatically, "to quote Mistah Larabee, 'The Giant FUBAR From Hell'."

Buck snorted out a harsh laugh as he shook his head. "We should just be thankful that we aren't in there with the others, gettin' our asses chewed six ways to Sunday."

Nodding his head in agreement, Ezra grinned. "Truer words have never been spoken, Mr. Wilmington." He laughed. "It is nice, for once, to escape the Wrath of Larabee. Nothin' is worse than a pissed-off demon spawn dressed in black rampaging around this office and I, for one, have reached my quota for ass-chewin's this month." Ezra laughed, grinning. His grin faded and he cocked his head as he stared at Wilmington, who was looking behind him with wide eyes. Blinking twice, Ezra swallowed hard, wincing. "He's right behind me, isn't he?"


April 2004


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