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Magnificent Seven Fanfiction ~ Parody Style

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The Adventures of Johnny Castaway


By Ruby


Rating:   PG-13 - Language

Disclaimer: The Magnificent Seven is owned by Trilogy, Mirish, MGM, not me, and some others I'm not sure of. owns the rights to theScreen Antics Johnny Castaway screensaver. No profit is being made by this poor excuse for a fanfic. The Johnny Castaway pictures came from Johnny Castaway's Home Page , which is a really cool site. :)

AU: ATF - Thanks Mog! :)

Author's Notes:  This is not serious at all, it's just for fun. I would think that you would have to be a fan (i.e. ADDICTED<g>) to the Johnny Castaway screensaver to get most of this... but... um... anyway... <g>. It's not betaed, all mistakes are mine.

This story makes reference to my storyLive Cams .

Feedback is always greatly appreciated. Please let me know what you think. [email protected]


Italics = thoughts


The Adventures of Johnny Castaway


"Hey, look! A ship!" JD exclaimed. "Hey! Those little people are tying him down!"

Ezra smirked. "Those 'little people,' my good Mr. Dunne, are Pirates."

"Whatever." JD sneered at the undercover agent. "Oh, no." He giggled. "A bird's building a nest on him and he can't get up."

"Behind you! Behind you!" Vin stood as he pointed wildly at his screen. "There's a helicopter right behind you!" He shook his head as he plopped disgustedly back into his chair. "Damn crazy guy, there was a helicopter right behind you and you can't get yer dang eyes out of them binoculars long enough to see it?" He shook his head and threw a pencil towards his monitor, wincing as it bounced back and hit him in the forehead.

"Watch it, Vin. You'll poke an eye out." Buck chortled.

"Pokin' an eye out's against the rules, ain't it, Buck?" JD asked.

With raised eyebrows and wide eyes, Nathan watched the sharpshooter. "Might want to take it easy, there, Vin. You could get a serious injury doin' that." He smiled. "Besides the fact that yer blood pressure's going to be sky high." He laughed heartily.

Vin waved his hand towards the screen. "It was right there, Nathan! Right behind 'im. He could've gotten off that damn island. But, noooo, he's too blind to see it."

Nathan looked at him sideways. "Vin," he drew the name out. "You do realize that he's just a screensaver?"

"Yeah, whatever," Vin answered, sounding fed up as he watched the little bearded man.

JD slapped himself on the forehead and giggled. "Oh, no! He *finally* got a coconut down, and it rolled off into the water."

"Whoo wee!" Buck wolf-whistled. "Look at her."

"Mermaid?" JD asked.

"Oh, *is* she." Buck smiled widely at his screen.

"Is that automatic weapon fire coming from your monitor, Mr. Sanchez?" asked Ezra, his eyes momentarily coming off of his computer screen.

"What?" Josiah glanced up and then back down. "Oh, no. Sandcastle."

"Ah, yes." Ezra nodded his head.

"Hey, he's sleeping. He's building a fire. He's eating a coconut. He's building a sandcastle. He's sleeping again. Building a fire again..." JD's running commentary played in the background.

"Damn, loco critter," Vin raggin' fragged. "It was right behind you." He shook his head, frowning hard at his screen.

"Get over it, Vin. It's in the past," Buck admonished, a wide grin on his face. 

"You get over it, Buck. At least you got to see him at his desk in his office. All I ever got to see was some bugs."

"Josiah got to see him do the rain dance and then get struck by lightning," JD piped up and then immediately ducked back behind his computer after getting a Tanner-glare that rivaled their boss's.

"Don't forget last December when Ez got to see that octopus come and steal decorations off his Christmas tree." Buck paused. "And then there was the time that Josiah saw him melt." He smiled wickedly at the Texan. "You've just got to watch him closer, Tanner. You'll get to see him do something exciting," he grinned as he added, "one of these days."

"Yeah, and Buck, you got to see him get eaten by that shark that one time and then spit back out," Nathan added, his eyes gleaming in Vin's direction.

"Oh, I *hate* when that happens," JD exclaimed, shuddering.

Buck's eyes danced. "Yeah, and remember when..."


In his office, Larabee chuckled lightly as he watched his team on the live cam that he'd secretly placed in the outer office months earlier.

He quickly sobered as he sat back and brought his hands away from his computer. After a minute, his screensaver came on and his eyes narrowed as he glared at the screen. For a while he sat silently. Then he suddenly stood, shaking his fist at his screensaver ...for on his computer, Johnny Castaway never did any of the interesting things that happened on the other men's computer screens. No, all he'd ever do was sit on the edge of the island, his eyes wide open, his body moving slightly, looking for all the world like he was scared to death.

Must be a bug, Chris thought to himself. Why else would he do all of those things on the other guy's computers and not on mine? He shook his head and sighed as he reached up and moved his mouse, once again effectively ending the small man's existence on his computer screen.


Marooned on an island somewhere inside Chris Larabee's computer, Johnny Castaway #4786931 dared not move, his mind screaming at him to freeze as if his very life depended on it.

Is he still out there? He wasn't sure and he was too scared to even turn his head a fraction of an inch to find out. If I don't move, he won't see me... If I don't move, he won't see me... If I don't move, he won't see me, he repeated silently as he rocked back and forth, his hands wrapped around his knees.

Is he still there? Oh, god, I'm too scared to look. He shook his head slightly. Johnny, you need a new job, he silently scolded himself and then whined,*this* is why we need a Union.It wasn't fair. His friends got all the cushy jobs, and he got *his* computer.

Oh, get away from me, you damn bird. Go build yer nest somewhere else, he wanted to yell, but dared not even say the words out loud.

Is he still out there? He swallowed hard as he rocked. He can smell fear... He can smell fear... He can...


September 2002


 Please let me know what you think. I'd love to know. Ruby :)

[email protected]


Johnny Castaway's Home Page

The screensaver really is a hoot. Check it out. :)

This all came about because my mom and I were watching Johnny on my computer and I laughed and told her I was going to write Johnny Castaway Fanfiction. There's got to be some angst there, you know... I could have some h/c... maybe some...ah... <g>


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