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Magnificent Seven Fanfiction ~ Parody Style

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Rental Horse Blues

by: Ruby


Rating: PG-13 Please read the Warning.

Disclaimer: The Magnificent Seven is owned by Trilogy, Mirish and MGM. Nothing mentioned in this story belongs to me. No money is being made. This fanfic is purely for entertainment purposes.

Warning: PARODY/SATIRE/HUMOR Very dark humor. If you don't want to read about the demise of an animal, please don't go any further.

This is a parody. It's not to be taken seriously.

Author's Notes: I'm in the process of writing a parody for each/any/all of the seven. (Don't want to pick on anyone <G>) So far, I have: The Wheel, Icky, Parts, Rental Horse Blues.

Okay, I love horses. Always have. This is just a stupid, silly story - all in fun. (read Warning above...<g>) I was just thinking about all of the unlucky 'rental horses' in M7 fanfics. LOL... Their fate is never good. <g> This can go with The Wheel, Icky, Parts.


Rental Horse Blues

by: Ruby

The day was warm, the weather was good, and no one could know the evil that was lurking... Oh wait, wrong story.

JD Dunne walked into the livery stable, a spring in his step. He opened the door to his horse's stall and stepped inside. 


"Oh, no! Milagro's leg's sore. Guess I'm going to have to *rent* a horse."

<ominous music playing annoyingly loud in the background>

The Rental Horse jerked his head up from where it had just moments before been contentedly munching on warm oats.

Rental Horse's POV:



"Come on, Mr. Rental Horse." He tried to coax the unwilling animal from its stall. "We've got to take some seemingly important Something-or-Other over to Eagle Bend. And I can't take my own horse as he's hurt, so I'll have to take... you... instead."

Rental Horse's POV:


JD pulled on the horse's halter to no avail. "Come on, you stupid stubborn mule! You're worse than Peso." 

Peso stamped his hoof on the ground. "Hey! I resent that!"

The Rental Horse dug all four feet into the earth, refusing to budge. "Oh, god please, not JD! Mommy! Mom-my!"

Peso shook his head sadly at the seldom-used Rental Horse. "Oh, you're a goner."


<sound of Taps playing>

"I'm just an innocent Rental Horse, not the foil for some evil fanfiction plot twist. Please," he cried out as he was pulled from the stall and quickly tacked up, "someone saaave meeeee. Don't let him take me."

But it wasn't to be. JD Dunne and the Rental Horse were soon on their way. 

Not too much later there was a horrible, terrible, really icky accident.

"OW! My leg!" The Rental Horse cried out, falling to the ground in agony. "Hey, you broke my leg!"

Dunne landed a few feet away and the Rental Horse tried in vain to roll over the young man as he got to his feet. At least he could try to get a few licks in before...

The Rental Horse fell back to the ground, in broken-leg-agony. "Oh, that's gonna leave a mark." He looked up when he saw the young sheriff stalking towards him, rifle in hand.

"Hey, what are you doing with that gun? Hey... Hey, get away from me with that! I'm fine. Really. No problem. Look, doesn't hurt at all." Thud! He hit the ground again. "No, please. Can't you just call Triple A? Really, I'll be fine." He glared up at the peacekeeper. "If you don't get away from me, I'm going to call my lawyer, or... the Animal Cops, or... The SPCA? Heh, heh."

But no amount of begging would help him. The Rental Horse sighed, resigned to his fate. "I knew I should have negotiated for a better contract," he bemoaned as he watched the young man lining up his shot. "Never be the 'extra.' It's like being a nobody on a Star Trek episode going out on a mission with the regulars. You're gonna die."

"Oh, cruel Fate!" the Rental Horse cried. "The hand that it dealt me is slowly petering out. Now I'll never get to meet Seabiscuit. Oh, the humanity. I mean... the... horseity." <giggle>

<sigh> "Goodbye cruel world."



November 2004


   Comments  Please let me know what you think. I'd love to know. No flames, please. Buck and JD get a Letter from the Condo Owner's Association... ;)

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