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Magnificent Seven Fanfiction ~ Parody Style

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The Wheel

by: Ruby


Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: The Magnificent Seven is owned by Trilogy, Mirish and MGM. No money is being made. This fanfic is purely for entertainment purposes (not porpoises, 'cause those are little fishy things that live in the sea).


Author's Notes: I'm in the process of writing a parody for each/any/all of the seven. (Don't want to pick on anyone <G>) So far, I have: The Wheel, Icky, Parts, Rental Horse Blues.

This is a parody. It's not to be taken seriously.


The Wheel

by: Ruby 

A wagon train moved through town, women and children playing boisterously. Buck heard loud gut-wrenching sobs and glanced over to see Chris, curled up in a fetal position on the boardwalk, bawling.

Buck sighed. "Ah, Chris."

"It's the wagon train, Buck," Chris cried.

"Is this about the wife and son thing?" Buck asked. "Because, I mean, you know we feel bad, Chris, but it's kind of been done into the ground."

Chris sniffed loudly. "Lord knows I miss Sarah. But let's face it, pard, she was a really lousy cook," he said, as he sat up Indian style, rubbing his cheeks with his fists.

"Plus, she slept with me," Buck reminded him.

"Yeah, there's that."

"Can't say nothin' bad about Adam, though." Chris shook his head, sniffling. "That boy was a gift from God. Literally. We got him gift-wrapped."

"So you're not cryin' about Sarah and Adam?"

"No, Buck, this ain't about them." Tears ran freely down his cheeks. He blew his nose wetly into the colorful bandanna Wilmington handed him. "It's the wheels, Buck," his gaze tracked the wagons as they slowly made their progression down the street, "they reminded me." He cleared his throat loudly when he got choked up. "No, this ain't about them. This is about..." he wiped his eyes. "Oh, it's so hard to talk about."

"It's okay, Chris. Just let it out," Buck soothed.

Chris nodded, wadding the bandanna up in his hands as he said, his voice tight, emotion-filled, "I had a hamster once, Buck. His name was Fred." He swallowed hard. "I miss Sarah and Adam, I do. But, oh God, I loved that hamster." He raised his face up to the sky, "Why, God? Why did you take my Fred?"

Wilmington patted him on the back, offering his friend what little comfort he could.

Chris was silent for a moment before he faced Buck again. The corners of his mouth turned up fondly. "He had a little wheel," he looked wistful as he mimicked running with his first and second fingers, "and he'd just go and go. Oh," he looked heavenward as he sighed, "those were good times."

"You never tol' me 'bout this, Chris," Buck said, his voice sad, petulant. "We rode together for twelve years and you never once even mentioned having a hamster." He shook his head. "The iguana, sure. The orangutan, three or four times." He slapped his leg with the palm of his hand, his feelings hurt. "But not once did you ever mention having a hamster."

Chris wiped his eyes. "I'm sorry, Buck." He grasped his friend's arm. "It was just too close," he put his other hand over his heart as his voice cracked, "in here, you know?" He started bawling again, his head on Buck's chest. "Fred! Oh, god! I miss you, Fred."


September 2004

Ode to Fred


Comments  Please let me know what you think. I'd love to know. Flames will keep my feet toasty... and will be laughed at. Forever.

  [email protected]


...what happened to Fred? Will we ever find out? Oh, the drama. The suspense. The anxie... ah... The suspense! Tune in next week to How The Wheel Turns to find out.

uh... just... kidding... ;)

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