That's What Friends Are
Bad language. Please, if you don't want to read a story that contains
bad language, stop now.
The Magnificent Seven is owned by Trilogy, Mirish and MGM. No money
is being made. This fanfic is purely for entertainment purposes.
Thank you to Mog for starting the ATF/AU and letting
us write in it. Thanks to Judy for betaing for me.
story is *not* meant to be serious in any way. It's not how I really
think that the character would act. I'm just *projecting* my own
That's What Friends Are For
you *ever* knock, Vin?"
you are one sorry son-of-a-bitchin' cowboy."
Chris looked up from the papers on his desk, "if you don't have
enough work to keep you busy out there, and to keep you out of here,
I can sure give you more."
don't even try gettin' out of this one. I've got your number,
cowboy. You're goin' down. There is no way that you can make me do
this. No way. You hear me?"
yeah, I hear you, cowboy. How in the hell could I not, with all the
yellin' you're doin'." Chris looked at his watch. "What in
the hell are you still doin' here anyway? It's nighttime, Vin. Time
to go home."
still here." Vin shrugged, grinning.
I'm still here 'cause I have a hundred and eighty things I have to
anyway, so we're clear here, right? I'm not doing this."
snorted. "The hell you're not."
you just said that 'you heard me.' "
said that I heard you Vin. Not that I was agreeing with you."
Chris looked back down, mumbling under his breath, "I'm sure the
people out at the stadium heard you too, you bastard."
NO! I'm not doing it!"
slowly raised his head back up, his eyebrows flitting high up on his
forehead. Catching Vin with one of his 'looks,' he smiled.
"You're *not* doing it?"
eyes narrowed and he balanced all of his weight on his right foot,
leaning nonchalantly against the bookshelf. Crossing his arms over
his chest, he looked at Chris with a determined set to his chin.
"That's right, Larabee. I ain't doin' it. And you can't make me."
can't," Chris slowly came to his feet, grasping the edge of his
desk with white knuckles, "make you?" His eyes narrowed,
shooting venom-dipped daggers at his best friend.
was about to reply when he saw Chris's eyes become huge, round
saucers as he stared, horrified, at a spot above and behind Vin's
left shoulder. Vin turned quickly, expecting to see Bigfoot or the
Abominable Snowman. Instead, he didn't see anything. Turning back, he
was surprised to find Chris up on his rolling desk chair, and then up
on his desk, pointing wildly up at the corner of the room.
Larabee let out in a bloodcurdling scream.
raised his eyebrows as he watched ATF Team Leader, deadly weapons
expert, ex-US Navy Seal, all around son of a bitchin' bad ass
bastard, Chris 'I can smite you to Hell with just one look' Larabee,
yelling and screaming and jumping around on his desk, pointing his
finger at a small black spot high up on the ceiling in the corner.
body was rooted to the spot, watching his boss like he was that
cigarette smoking alien from the X-Files. The sharpshooter decided it
was finally time to shake himself out of it and come back to his
senses when he saw Chris pulling his gun.
dammit, Larabee, don't shoot a damn hole in yer wall. I'll get
it." Vin grabbed a paper towel out of the bathroom in Chris's
office and then stood at the base of the bookshelf, looking up into
the high corner. "How in the hell am I gonna get up there?"
could climb up the bookshelf."
could cli- what?"
Vin whipped his head around to see if his boss was joking or not.
Apparently, he wasn't. "Okay, I could climb up the
bookshelf," Vin muttered under his breath, shaking his head.
Tanner, ATF Sharpshooter, crack shot, the best God-damned tracker
west of the Mississippi, began climbing up the bookshelf, in pure
'raggin-fraggin' mode. "Damned bastard. I don't know why *I*
have to kill the damn good-for-nothing spider anyway. He could get
off his lazy ass and climb this fourteen-foot bookshelf. But,
noooooo. He's too scared. He's scwared. Poor wittle Chwis Lwawabee.
Scared of a spwider."
was that, Vin?"
Vin rolled his eyes, again muttering under his breath, "bastard."
Vin was almost to the top of the bookshelf. Holding on to the next
shelf with one hand, he let go with the other to reach up with the
paper tow- "Agggghhh." THUD!
You gonna get that spider, or what?"
Larabee, I just fell two stories, here. Can't you at least ask if
I'm all right?" Vin spat out disgustedly.
you all right to get back up and get that spider?"
all heart, Larabee. Seriously, all heart." Vin pulled his
battered body from the floor and started back up the bookshelf.
"The itsy-bitsy... spider climbed up the... water spout."
What are you doing?" Chris, holding a cross in his hands, asked
from his perch on top of a pile of books still atop the desk.
Vin grunted out, breathing hard from climbing, "singing. Is
that all right with you?"
came the rain and wash-"
really wish you wouldn't do that."
let out a long-suffering sigh. "A man can't even sing while
he's 'gettin' another man's spider. What's this world coming to?"
Vin continued singing, softly, "...washed the spider out. out
came the sun and dried-"
Larabee, I'm whispering, for holy hell's sake. Can't a man whisper
while he's 'gettin' another man's spider?"
I didn't have to hold on with both hands, I'd be shootin' myself in
the head right about now." Vin groaned.
'till *after* you get the spider."
You okay up there? Are you crying?"
Sniff. "I'm fine."
his head, the sharpshooter resigned himself to his situation and
started *humming* the 'spider song.' Hopefully, a man could *hum*
while 'gettin' another man's spider.
Vin could see the small black dot. Holding on with one hand, his
feet and anything else he could use, he reached up with the weapon.
"It's paper towel heaven for you, my friend."
small, black dot looked at him, its small, black-dot eyes pleading
with the blue-eyed tracker to save it's life. "Christ, Larabee,
this thing ain't even big enough to see under a microscope. Why don't
we throw 'im back and maybe in a year or two come back and get 'im."
okay. I'm gettin' 'im." Vin shook his head. "Gonna turn
you into the Animal Protection League, Larabee." Sniffing, Vin
reached up. "Poor little guy." As the paper towel came
closer and closer to its target, Tanner could swear that the little
black dot was actually whimpering. Frowning, he glanced down to see
if Larabee was watching him closely.
that mission was successful," Vin sang out as he jumped down,
landing hard on the floor, wadded up paper towel in his hand.
you get 'im? Did you get 'im?"
got 'im, Chris. Holy Christ, you're like a baby." Vin tossed
the towel in the trash can.
up you bastard and just make sure that he's dead."
do you want, a Coroner's Report? He's dead for Christ's sake. I
squished him in a paper towel and threw the little sucker away. Think
he could have lived through that?" Vin looked up at his still-terrified
boss and couldn't keep his chuckle hidden. "You can come down
was a lot of grumbling as Larabee stepped down from atop the desk.
"I'm down, you sorry excuse for a friend."
I killed your spider, didn't I?"
silence filled the air - silence pregnant with sinister undertones.
know, Chris, I was just thinking."
'bout what?" Back to work at his desk as if nothing had ever
happened, Chris's voice was back to normal and not the high-pitched
squeal it had been a second before.
I was thinkin' about that thing that yer gonna make me do and how
maybe I could get out of it if I promised not to tell the guys about
this when they come in in the mornin'."
wouldn't." Larabee hissed.
Tanner, you are the sorriest excuse for a man I've ever had the
misfortune to meet."
air in the room dropped to sub zero temperatures.
Chris sighed, defeated.
Chris. I'll let Ezra know that he needs to come see you in the
mornin'. Let 'im know you have a 'real fun' job for 'im to do."
walked out, quietly shutting the door behind him.
Larabee went back to work after moving the trash can, and assumed
spider burial ground, to the other side of the room.
spiders were actually harmed in the writing of this story. In fact,
the spider in question is still living in the corner of Chris
Larabee's office. Growing larger and larger and larGER
You Want Me
To Do WHAT?
let me know what you think. I'd love to know. Ruby :)