Rating: T - Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes.  I'm switching over to these Fiction Ratings.  Fiction Ratings.

AU: ATF Thanks Mog! :)

Disclaimer: The Magnificent Seven is owned by Trilogy, Mirish and MGM. No money is being made. This fanfic is purely for entertainment purposes. The Wicker Man does not belong to me. Oh, and Jack Handy writes 'Deep Thoughts'... I love those. ;)

Author's Notes: If you loved the movie 'The Wicker Man' you'd better not read this. LOL! I thought it was a hilarious movie... even though it wasn't supposed to be. I also give away the end... so don't read this if you don't want to know what happens.


WARNING! Spoilers for the movie The Wicker Man! (I warned ya, so don't kill me. ;)


Feedback is loved.


Wicker Chair Man


By: Ruby

JD and Vin walked into the saloon. Spotting the rest of their teammates, they started over to them.

Vin took a chair next to Chris.

Holding his ribs, JD plopped down next to Vin.

"JD, are you okay?" Nathan asked, concerned.

"I've got a stitch in my side from laughing so hard," JD answered.

"You guys go see a movie?" Chris asked them.

"Yep, The Wicker Man," Vin told him.


"Isn't that supposed to be a scary movie?" Josiah asked.

JD guffawed.

"Yep." Vin bobbed his eyebrows.

"Huh." Ezra said.

"'Killing me won't make your honey come back.'" JD giggled through his nose and then fell off his chair.

Buck stared down at him. "Ya alright down there?"

JD just kept laughing. "Oh, and the plot! They gave him a commendation for causing an accident and killing people. He was kneeling in the road! The truck swerved to avoid *him*. What?? Wha-t? And he got a commendation? Wow, they have really low standards for awards on his police force."

Vin chuckled, shaking his head.

Wide eyed, Josiah glanced down at JD and then at Vin. He looked over at Nathan, who was grinning. And at Ezra who was looking lost. Josiah glanced over at Chris, who was shaking his head with a fond smile as he looked down at JD. And Buck was still just staring.

JD laughed louder as he got up off the floor. "And they... they... were all like 'whooo'" And he floated his arms in the air as he walked around the table. "And Braveheart was in it!" He burst out laughing as he dropped into the chair next to Vin. He snorted. "It was... the funniest movie..." he laid his head down on the table, laughing so hard he was crying, "... that I ever saw."

"We need to cut back on your meds, JD?" Chris grinned at him.

"Oh, Chris." JD looked up, wiping the tears from his face. "We *have* to go see this movie... all of us. It's the funniest thing. Just the funniest movie you'll ever see. We can MST3K it... the whole thing. It's just *so* funny. We could make it into a 'Rocky Horror Picture Show." He laughed, shaking his head. "The Wicker Man."

"The Wicker *Chair* Man," Vin said seriously, his voice movie- announcer deep.

JD cackled, slapping the table as he snorted. "Oh my god! The Wicker Chair Man!" He laughed so loud that Buck actually scooted his chair away from him. "And... and the sequel could be 'Hammock Man.' "

Vin sniggered. "Porch Swing Man."

"Basket Man!" JD giggled. "Oh my god." He shook his head. "In the end we were like 'Burrrrrrnnnn him!" He laughed uproariously. "That was the best part of the movie!"

Vin sighed sadly. "I did feel bad for them goats, though. Poor innocent goats." The corner of his mouth turned up and he winked. "And the chickens. It was like Chik-fil-A up there."

JD laughed even harder.

Buck looked down at his watch. "This movie have a late showing?" He grinned over at JD and Vin.

JD's eyes went wide. "Yeah. 11:00!"

Smiling, Buck looked around at the others. "What do you say?" And he got up.

"I don't know how we could pass up such a wonderful opportunity," Ezra said drolly, pulling out his wallet and tossing a few bills on the table before he started to stand.

JD whooped. "Well, alright!" He stood up, glancing around at the others. "You all coming?" He kicked Vin's chair back and then pulled him up by his coat sleeve.

Vin laughed.

Josiah and Nathan grinned as they stood.

"You know, my daddy always said that laughter was the best medicine," Josiah said.

"Which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis," Nathan finished the quote, laughing loudly.

Josiah slapped him on the back. "Gotta love ol' Jack Handy."

Nathan nodded, laughing, as he tossed a couple bills on top of Ezra's.

They all looked at Chris, who was still seated. "We're seeing a movie? Now?"

"Come on, Chris," JD wheedled. "It's a terrible movie. Just a horrible movie. It's so bad it's hilarious! I know you'll love it!" He smiled sweetly. "Everyone else is going."

Chris rolled his eyes and huffed out a long sigh. Then he grinned as he stood. "I sure hope this one's better than the original." And he bobbed his eyebrows as he walked ahead of the others and out the door.

December 2006


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